The birth of our third baby – You are free
The day our second daughter was born was the most wonderful day we ever experienced. It was our first unassisted birth after 2 previous births at a hospital. Out of all the children I do admire her the most, not that I don’t love the other two cuties. I do. For sure! But through the unassisted birth I found an inner deep connection, love and affection that I lost with the other two through the hospital births.
After I left my home to start a new life in, a complete strange country, Pakistan, what is not like my land of birth, Germany, I got married to the most wonderful man on earth. He is a senior to me so he didn’t expect that I may become pregnant. Right after we married I became pregnant in July 2004 with our first child, a wonderful boy.
We went to all the check ups after we found finally qualified Gynecologist which good friend could recommend. I was already in the fifth month then and didn’t really like to go some place I didn’t know and felt not comfortable at all. I wanted to stay home! I wanted to observe my hijaab and keep the little shame Allah, Ta’aala, blessed me now with.
Most times we went it was just a five-minute visit for almost a one hour car ride and waiting time of two, sometimes more, hours in burning heat and dry air. Scared and frustrated about the medical care and treatment of pregnant women made me want to run away, so much that I didn’t want to go to the monthly, than later weekly appointments. As the pregnancy went further toward the third trimester health problems increased. I expected pain and discomfort in my pregnancy but increasing breathing difficulties and cyanotic features and heart racing and trying not to lose consciousness, in almost any position I had been in, didn’t made me too happy. Everything together gave me lot of problems. To be in a good mood wasn’t possible. My dreams of a natural, safe home birth, where Hijaab could be observed, were scattered.
I’m asthmatic too and have certain allergic reactions as well. So the heat and discomfort gave me a lot of problems. So much so that I couldn’t take it any longer to drive almost an hour to have a five-minute talk and belly showing. We started skipping appointments as I did not want to go to those who treat a pregnant woman as she would have committed a crime by being pregnant.
As I am a foreigner too, the treatment toward us wasn’t good at all. A big problem was the language as well. The understanding of each other was bad, although many spoke English
I was crying a lot as I didn’t know anyone yet to talk too and whom I could trust. The whole pregnancy was painful and not enjoyable at all. But yet I couldn’t wait to have our first baby. But the excitement about our first baby was more than the frustrations I went through. So I just kept quiet and swam with the stream and did as I had been told and tolerated the rude treatment and handling from the medical stuff and that most health problems weren’t answered, but merely ignored.
But one month before the delivery date came near a new hospital opened up, which had women staff only and modern facilities. So we decided to have a look it since a friend worked there. It was still on the test run and there had been only view patients there and the atmosphere seemed to be a relaxed one.
It was so relaxing for me and a big stone felt of my heart as we found now an opportunity where I could birth. I wanted natural birth in water with my husband on my side. I choose an older lady – OB as care taker. She had been recommended and seemed to be experienced and “nice”.
There were only three weeks left toward the calculated delivery date. The 5th of April 2005 was the estimated day of delivery.
By that time almost every one we knew kept asking why the baby isn’t there yet. It made me frustrated and put me under pressure. I cried.
It seemed that no one knew the nature of women and that women were created to give birth.
Four days before our son was born we had the last check up and I didn’t want to go as I felt something going to happen again. We went one week before this appointment and were told to come back as labour didn’t start yet, whereby I wasn’t even in the 39th week.
The OB (and friends) kept asking me if I had any vaginal discharge or abdominal pain yet and told me that I can’t keep the baby so long in the womb as it is going to kill both of us and I won’t be able to deliver. As I answered no she listen to the baby’s heartbeat and controlled the height of the uterus and said that all were fine.
But yet she wanted to induce labor because she wanted the baby to be born now. And she wanted to make birth easy for me.
That smashed me down. Do I not have anything to say about it?
As I explained that I didn’t wanted to have any inductions and that a normal pregnancy of 42 weeks, even more, is quite normal, the OB was ready to jump in my face. Her face turned red and her temper was out of control. She wanted the baby to be born this day as she was in her shift duty. Her reasons for inducing the labor with laxatives and other stuff were really idiotic. I kept rejecting her arguments and told her that the baby will come when Allah, Ta’ala, decided it to be born.
I didn’t feel that I’m ready to give birth yet.
She wanted to make a vaginal examination but I refused as I my husband and I didn’t see any benefit in it that woman put her hands in my privates. Now it broke her collar and she was freaking out.
I started crying and wanted to know why she mistreated me like that and she just answered, that if I don’t listen to her and don’t do what she wanted, she is going to treat me like that as she is the doc and not me.
Wow! I went to my husband and we left the hospital and called a friend who talked to me on the phone and told me not to be worry as the baby will come when its ready and to stay away from the hospital until the labor is in process. That’s what we did. My friend and another doc, which I choose for delivery as she was very calm, nice and younger, tried to call me to the hospital to induce labor and kept telling me that keeping the baby too long in the womb is dangerous and I have to do something.
Damn. I was not even a week over the due date, nor did I have any reason for a forced emergency delivery! I was fine, if you can say so nine moths pregnant, and the baby too.
So my husband shut off the phones so that I could calm down and concentrate on the upcoming birth .
Than woop, the labor started four days after the due date at around 7.00p.m.
I felt very bad as I was in fever the day and had diarrhea and nausea.
I was complete exhausted from the sleeplessness and the daily, one hour-long walks to walk the baby down and get labor started, recommended by another OB.
And I had all day a stiff neck and back pain too. So I didn’t really know that I was in labor until the pain in the lower back smashed me down.
I couldn’t even stand up. That was not how I expected labor to be.
So we went to the hospital on April 9th around 8.30p.m…
We arrived and the staff walked upstairs with me to the “pre – labor room”.
The first thing they did is ripping off the garments and lied me down in a bed and gave me an enema. I wasn’t allowed to drink, to eat and to go to the toilet or to change positions.
And I was thirsty and hungry and weak because of the diarrhea I have had the whole day. And this room was full of strange people. I counted five. And everything was filthy and dusty. Just complete unclean. It disturbed me a lot.
The doc in duty, at that time, was a pediatrician and didn’t know what’s going on and did ask me stupid questions and didn’t understand that the labor just started like that and kept going without a break. The contractions were maybe 1 minute apart ever since they started. But yet they did countless vaginal examinations which increased the pain a lot.
I wasn’t relaxed at all and was told the baby will maybe be born after 12 hours???!!!
My body and mind were both under such pressure that I couldn’t cope with anything.
I was in fear and discomfort to birth in a unwanted and shameless position, backed by a hospital standard procedure. As labor went further I walked down the whole way and was hooked up to a “nourishing” infusion. Like electrolytes and glucose.
My friend tried to give me a lower back massage and told me to stand upright facing the wall and to push my hands against it to take the pain. It helped a bit. It was around 11.30 p.m. and the doc decided to get me ready for birth as I felt already the urge to push. I had to climb up to or three steps to reach the operation table, or also the so-called birthing bed, and had to lie down flat on my back, with my leggs fixed into holders, up so high, and apart from each other that I had horrible cramps in my thighs, which the doc ignored complete.
And at least three people looked at my privates. I didn’t like this at all, being presented like a piece of cake in the window of a bakery shop.
As I had spasm in the wind pipe and the circulation problems increased and I felt more pain than ever. I almost lost my senses through the whole weight of the baby and that of the uterus on my main abdominal vain and arteria.
The blood circulation was cut down almost complete and the pressure on my lungs and heart, through that forced birthing position, increased.
I was put on oxygen supply, pain killers through infusions and antibiotic intravenous as prophylactic treatment. This caused severe allergic reactions and pain. I couldn’t move or run away as I wanted.
Now you would say : ” Why didn’t she just stayed at from the very beginning?”
Yep. It would have been the best idea but I was somehow in shock as I found out too late how I had to birth and the trust in my body was destroyed.
I couldn’t change positions and felt like bearing down and had a so immense urge to push.
The OB wanted to speed up the birth and to take the pain away, which she created, and ruptured the membrane of the water bag and something was injected into the drip.
I was told by the OB not to push and to take the pain instead.
Boy. I can tell that the worth punishment for giving birth. It’s just like holding back bowel movements and to close up the hole.
Anyway, the routine standard followed up a local anesthesia in the birth channel so that an episiotomy could be performed. The baby wasn’t crowning very well yet but yet they injected, so that the local anesthesia didn’t last that long. No one informed me what they did as they argued as a nurse I know what the routine is.
I had almost lost all my energy and strength to push from being told not to push when I had to and to push when I didn’t had to do so. That I became complete confused with my body that I don’t have to tell.
So, finally the baby stuck in the birth channel, as the head was almost born. I was blamed for it and told to push. But I couldn’t and had to do so and through the injection I didn’t feel what’s going on down there. So, I and my baby were just a piece of meat on the butchers table.
At 00.15 a.m., on April 10th 2005 our son was born with the help of the two nurses pushing him out of my stomach and the OB pulling the poor boy out the womb. He was blue, cold and screaming out of fear. And I was finished.
The cord was cut of soon the OB crabbed the child and the blood splashed around everywhere and everyone had it on its clothes in the face, as the cord was pulsing.
My son was taken away and the OB pulled out the afterbirth right after the baby was born and began repairing the episiotomy whereof the anesthesia left and I had to take the pain for every stitch.
I was brought into my room after I was cleaned up and my baby was in the incubator. He suffered from hypothermia.
How that? What did they do to him so long? I got him back after 2 hours. His eyes where swollen and also blue and he wasn’t alert at all.
The next day we went home and I started already having problems bonding with him. I never found a deep loving connection to him and try to get closer every day to him.
With his birth I remember pain, fear, distress, sickness and discomfort on both sides, him and me.
The episiotomy needed almost 8 month to heal as it got infected and the wound healing process wasn’t good. My mental sate wasn’t the best at all. I was pumped full with antibiotics, pain killers and so on. To which I and my son reacted severe.
So our son had a rough time until he was almost 5 moths old.
Relationships were the horror for me, as I didn’t have feelings down there. It was just pain and the stitches really hurt in any position and the stitches broke regularly.
I felt like a looser in every way and that the baby wasn’t really connected to me. I felt as our little boy was a stranger.
May my Allah forgive me.
After 8 month we were a little shocked to find out that I was pregnant again and was already in the fourth month when we had a home preg. test done and went to a check up.
I was breast-feeding, so there wasn’t any period.
I wasn’t ready to give birth again under such circumstances and didn’t want to be pregnant again. I still suffered from a postpartum depression. I was afraid. This pregnancy was a very hard time for my husband and son.
But all praise to Allah, Ta’aala, he is I the most loving man I ever met. And he supported me whatever we had to go through.
So as this pregnancy went on it became even worth for me. The asthmatic disorders and fatigue and …, became really bad by the seventh month and I had to be hospitalized as I had spasm in my wind pipe and needed medical treatment and oxygen supply. I didn’t feel my baby moving anymore. I had to stay 2 days in the hospital and the baby’s movements went back to normal and we went back home.
After this incident I felt a little connection to my baby and started talking to it and feeling love for it. What did I do to her?
I thanked Allah, Ta’aala, that He, Ta’aala, didn’t take our lives away yet, so I may have a change to get it done better this time.
We went to the hospital for a check up when I was in the 5th month and had only one more afterward. I had one ultra sound done as we didn’t want to see that house anymore.
Still in my heart I wanted to birth at home. But somehow we just could get it done and my prayers weren’t answered at that time.
This time labor started on May 23, 2006 at around 6.30 a.m. and was quite ok to deal with. But it still it made me wining as I had lots of back labor, just like with our son.
This time, at 7.40 a.m., I was brought into the emergency room and had at least two vaginal examinations, what I didn’t want, and was told that my baby will be born after six hors of time. ??? Right! I felt the baby moving down already and felt like pushing.
Around 8.30 a.m. I was brought into my room and by nine a clock I was brought, after I had an enema which helped a lot but made the pain even worse, into the delivery room.
The same things like last time, but this time I got a pillow under my head, so I could breath a bit better. I didn’t help much at all.
I prayed to my Lord to help me and save us both and to let it happen quick. I didn’t want to be there. I had to push and was told the same thing again. “Don’t push, keep the pain.”
I couldn’t deal with it anymore. The pain shot down so intensively, so, that I lost all self-control and screamed of pain and being in a shock. The baby, our wonderful little princess, shot out the womb that the doctor wasn’t really ready to catch her. And I tore badly.
It was 09.45a.m. I needed to be stitched again and the local anesthesia wasn’t good and the OB didn’t even wait until it made the flesh numb. She sewed my privates so bad together, and I felt all the stitching again, that I have now a deformation and a prolapse of my vagina and have problems to hold my stool. But yet was crying out of joy. We had a little princess.
She was better off than our son. She was alert right away and looked straight into my eyes, while our son didn’t open his eyes for almost one month. But yet she suffered, like me, through the pregnancy and had skin problems on her skin and is asthmatic too. But yet she was somehow cute and I loved her right away and didn’t need so long to bond with her. But I swore and prayed to my Lord that if He would grant us another baby, than I will not even go for a check up and birth home.
My prayers were answered and I became pregnant when our daughter was 6 month old.
I was very happy.
ut my husband was very worry and afraid going again through such difficulties and to see me suffering like that as both pregnancies weren’t enjoyable at all.
This time I started researching for a midwife who could help me giving birth at home. I didn’t find any who could speak English and as this pregnancy went further I wanted to be alone with my family.
I went from that moment I conceived through health problems and had to be most part of it under oxygen and my bronchical dilatators.
I couldn’t take any medicine against the bronchial spasm and all the other problems I had. One day I had enough from going from one doc. to another doc.
So I didn’t take any medicine anymore, left the oxygen and trusted and prayed to Allah,Ta’aala, for help only. And He, Ta’aala, answered.
As I surfed through the net I slipped over Laura Stanley’s Unassisted Birth home page. “That is it”, I thought, “I want to do that.”. I started reading the stories and researched further.
I couldn’t wait that this baby will be born and the nine months seemed to be endless. I was peaceful with my inner self and the first time happy to be pregnant and becoming a mum.
I felt already the connection to the baby and felt all she did and wanted. I wanted a water birth and ask our Lord for help and guidance.
In a dream I saw my self squatting over a metal bowl birthing fast and easy. In the dream was a midwife who left the room and said that I don’t need her and then a boy was born into the bowl in breech position,after a little difficulty delivering the head.
In the dream I had problems delivering the afterbirth and to cut the cord and tried to deliver it into the toilet. I pulled a bit on the cord and then it came out with a gush of blood. I understood the message my Lord send me and was even more calm and excited.
We had done in the fifth month one ultra sound to have an orientation when I could birth. The date was expected around the 9th of September, 2007. I don’t trust that stuff at all and the last time the OB gave me on each visit another date to deliver and we passed all of them.
I prepared the kids’ room where I wanted to deliver. We put 2 foam mattresses on each other on the floor, in front of the bed. I put a rubber sheet and towels on it and had all the stuff ready we needed for me and the baby, waiting to be used.
I had the last couple of weeks such pain in my lower abdomen and over each thigh that I could even stretch out my legs without screaming. It felt each time as something ruptured. I couldn’t walk upright anymore and breathing and standing wasn’t possible anymore too. And I began nesting and cleaning a lot.
On August 26th, around 11.30 p.m., I felt the baby moving down deeply, had contractions and thought this is going to be the night.
I lost lots of fluid. I started walking through the house and felt the pain in the abdomen, what was complete new for me, increasing. It felt good to walk and I felt like pushing and took an enema around 1.00 a.m. By 3.30 a.m. I was very tired and nothing happened. I was so tired and decided to get a nap as I was up every night.
After two days the same thing repeated itself with more and more pain in the lower abdomen. But yet little back pain, so I thought I may not labor in the back this time. I had good contractions which lasted for at least 20 minutes with a gasp of maybe two, three minutes in between each contraction and fluid gushed out.
Boy was I exited. This thing repeated itself every second day at the same time for the same long lasting.
I prayed to my Lord to help me soon to deliver this baby I was waiting forso badly and to assist me with His, Ta’ala, divine help.
My prayers were answered and the labor started on 6th of September 2007 around 2.30.p.m.
The contractions were good and became very intensive through the time and I had back labor. I couldn’t remember having it that much with the other two. My husband walked with me through the pain and tried to give me a counter pressure. I love him. I felt secure and wonderful.
We both were so excited and happy that the baby would be born at home. No interference and medications, no cutting, no dirty surroundings. The pain increased and I had to cry now. I needed my husband. And for the first time he was there. He supported me with his love and the children as well. I used a cold pack on the lower back and it felt good.
But I couldn’t take it long. The boy said” Daddy, Mommy is in pain”. It made me smile and I explained to both that the baby will be here soon and they seemed to understand as I included both deeply in this pregnancy.
I kept myself well hydrated and nourished with dates, as they have all essential vitamins and minerals and they gave me energy and strength. I felt more and more that I want to be alone in seclusion and let the nature do its work.
Around 6.30p.m. I left the three and went in the kids’ room for further laboring. I wanted to bear down. The pain in the womb and in the back was unbearable. I stared squatting down on my knees in front of the bed while resting with my upper body on the bed. I tried to breathe deep and to concentrate.
My husband watched the two children and came now and then looking after me. I felt comfortable being alone and concentrating to manage the pain. I kept oiling my perineum with coconut, almond and olive oil to prevent tearing. And boy, that helped.
As my husband checked again I wanted pillow to lean on. He brought it to me and held my hand through the contractions which were good a minute long and maybe half a minute apart. I couldn’t concentrate on breathing and in pain management.
So my husband gave me some arabic letters to look at, to ease the pain an swiff up the delivery. We used the book of Qur’aanic Healing by Hakim ul Ummat Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi ( rahmatullah alaih).
I only wanted to stay in that position, which was the most bearable for me, and to give birth soon.
As transition took place I thought that I’m not making it. I had to scream and I screamed in my pillow. And it didn’t cover up the noise at all. But I couldn’t help it.
It was about 7.30 p.m. now. I felt very embarrassed about the noise. My husband stayed out the room to watch the other two. Now the water bag broke with a big splash and the pain was less. The baby just shot out my womb. I hadn’t even a minute to concentrate on the birth. I didn’t push. The body did everything on its own.
And it felt great. Ther was just Allah, Ta’aala, the baby and me.
I tried to breathe deep and not to push on force to prevent tearing. I reached down and felt a soft and hairy thing. It felt so wonderful .The head!!! The baby is coming!!!! This was about 8.00p.m.
I felt the “burning ring of fire” and the head was born. It was about 8.05p.m. I sat on the left knee and stood with right leg and felt her little face, her nose, her eyes, and her mouth. The head turned toward my right thigh. The time seems to stand still for a moment. I was so shocked and in joy to witness the first time the birth of one of my children. Even I studied it in the medical school, yet I was so surprised and overwhelmed to feel it the first time on my own.
The baby was shooting down the birth cannel and she slipped out on the foam bed and was lying in front of me.
She was clean like a peeled apple. She was lying there pink, relaxed and looking around. There was not a single drop of blood or anything else on her body. She looked as she had taken a bathe before.
Around 8.10p.m. my husband came in the room. I just had delivered the baby. We both cried out of happiness and I because I did deliver our baby my own, thru the devine Help of Allah, Ta;aala, as I wanted to do it.
I was crying and laughing at the same. I DID IT ALL ALONE!!! This was the most wonderful thing I had ever experienced. He asked right away what we had. I had to check, as I didn’t care about the sex. It was a wonderful baby girl. We wrapped her in thick towel and she didn’t even have to spit up. I nursed her a bit but couldn’t do it well as the cord was very short and I couldn’t hold her good. The cord had lots of pseudo knots was almost white and stopped pulsing, so we got the scissors and clamped it and I cut the cord. WOW. I did it too.
I had hellish pain in my back and couldn’t sit anymore. I was tired and hungry. So leaned back and tried to relax while my husband spread the good news around. I dressed her and we all admired her. The kids were looking at her and the youngest kissed her right away. All were so happy. We felt that there was something missing I our live and after she was born the feeling left.
After more than half an hour we decided to get up, after we all ate dinner, and to put the other two to bed so I could take shower and clean up.
I was already able to do some stuff and to move around. I was full of energy and could run a marathon. I felt like I’m walking on clouds.
This I couldn’t do
But now it was complete different. The baby didn’t suffer from any injuries, nor did I suffer one. No tearing, nothing. I got up and decided to squat down to get the afterbirth out. A gush of blood and urine splashed out my womb, but no after birth. I pulled a little bit on the cord to loosen the placenta from its spot as it moved down already but got stuck. Then I got it and cleaned up.
The Placenta was very heavy and a huge thing. It had almost the weight of the kid and didn’t look right. Four days later I took the measurements. Her head was 36cm, but was already smaller as at the time of birth, her body length was good 55cm and her weight good 4kgs. Later I found out, as I thought so too, that I must have had an early loosening of the placenta from the uterus wall and the blood pressed against my womb and caused the pain and immobility and the cord was short too so it may have ruptured during birth.
After a week past the delivery the bleeding was very little. The following days I did my household scores and took care of the kids. I have such a deep love and connection with her what I never had with the other two. This birth helped me to find the way back to the nature and to the role of being a loving mother.
Everything seems so easy with her. I’m still trying to find the right way with the other babies and this unassisted birth was the guide and help I needed.
I have the big desire and wish to BECOME PREGNANT AGAIN. This never happened after the other two births. If God should bless us with another baby, than this baby will be born unassisted at home too.
I’m very sorry for the long stories and the grammar and spelling mistakes. It’s not my mother tongue.. smile. But I really needed to write about it. Thanks for reading it.
And things worked out as I wished. I became pregnant again and had on 21.May. 2009 an UC in a water filled pool at home.
Thestory will follow.
And now. Eight month after the last UC: I’m pregnant again!!! Cant wait to birth in water again…
allah u Akbar.
Muslim women need to wake up from the slumber of the medical fraud industry and trust Allah. Ta’aala, only.
Ever since the time of our parents Hadhrat Adam and Hawa Eve (alayhimus salaam) living on earth, women are created to bear children and to give birth and to raise children.
No Muslim woman who has some shame and Imaan would allow to be disgraced by the child birthing industry in such shameless and degrading ways.
Some time has elapsed by now.. We are the grateful parents of five, yeeeeeeeessssssssssss five healthy, unvaccinated, free range children.
I gave birth to the last two unassisted as well.
Whereby the last births in 2010 was not an easy one, but indeed a blessed one.
Our daughter was born on the day of Jummah after more than 13 hours of painful labor and a very difficult pregnancy..
She was, and still is, a huge baby weighting almost 5kg, 60cm long and head cirumfence of 40cm.. Any women birthing naturally will know what that meant..Ooouuuuch.
If Allah wants I will try to post the stories one day. Insha Allah