Help……My husband want to marry a second wife.


Alsalam I married my husband at young age n I have 6 kids 3 are fine n the last 3 are paralyzed neuro disease n he wants to remarry I can’t fathom the pain that I am feeling I feel dead sick tired I care for 3 paralyzed children in this case is it okay for him to remarry n start a new family n I’m toiling in distress with very sick children does allah permit for a man to marry if yes how do I swallow it how in the world can I bear this is it in my situation permissible for him to go off n live his life n leave me to suffer emotionally n physically?

Assalaamu alykum respected sister.

I am truly sorry to read the about the trials and condition you are afflicted with.

May Allah Ta’ala replace your grief, pains and trails with shiaf kamillah, aafyah, everlasting happiness in both worlds.

Sister. WE all have to understand that this worldly life is only a short one and filled with trials, hardships, pains, suffering and injustice.
This world is Not meant to be a place of happiness, ease, comfort, health for a Mumin.

Our father Adam , alayhi salaam , and our mother Hawwa , alayhi salaam, were sent to this abode for some time to be tried and punished and so purified for their sins to disobey our Creator.

Quraan states that this world is a jannat( place of ease, joy, comfort) in which all the fancies and desires which our 5 sense accumulate, to please our evil naafs, is for the unbelievers( kuffar) and that this world is a prison( a place of rules to adhere to, prohibitions, hardships, oppression, trial, injustice) for the Muslim as the Mumineen will get their everlasting happiness in jannat and the kuffar their everlasting punishment and pains in jahannam as they have their jannat now..

WE cant’t comprehend why Allah Ta’ala put us in certain difficulties, pains, suffering, tests.
But Allah Ta’ala states that this life is nothing but a test.

Allah Ta’ala states in the Qur’aan majeed: “What! Do you say that you believe but will Not be tested?!

Sister. Most time the difficulties and pains we find ourselves in are due to our own lack of ilm in Islam,patience and utterly disobedience toward Allah Ta’ala and Nabi Sallalaahu alayhi wa sallam.

Sickness and hardships are the result our sins and Allah Ta’ala in His Mercy is purifying us so we can be able to enter jannat in pure sate , free of sins.

Often Allah Ta’ala shows His special love and nearness toward one of his beloved slaves by inflicting him/her with many trials, hardships and pains.

We in with our limited understanding can not comprehend and understand such acts of Love.
But let me give you this example:

You keep telling you little child : “Don’t go near the fire as it will burn you and give you pain.”

But your child does not listen and his naafs takes over and it goes near the fire, despite feeling the heat.

Than you tell him:” Don’t stretch your hand out towrad the fire will, it will burn you…”

But the child does not listen and reaches for the flame on the gas stove while being attract by its light and glitter. And as result it screams out in pains and has been hurt, fooled by the bright and multi colored flame on the stove.

Then you come as mother and admonish him/her that you have told him several time to listen to you and not to go near the heat and not to touch the fire.

Well, sieter.

Allah Ta’ala operates similar. He tells us what is right and wrong and Not to listen to our naafs and shaytaan and not to go near sin and be fooled by the glitter of this world, as the result will be His anger , heat and pain and cries in agony in Jahannam.

But we, His “children” whom He loves more then we love ourselves, choose Not to listen to him and go near the fire and reach for it by indulging in sin.

So as a result we are afflicted with pains and trials in this life so we can reflect on our ways and meet Allah Ta’ala in a pure state.

At times it seems that all is to difficult what we have to endure and ask ourselves: Why? Why Me?

We have no right to ask these questions and to feel that way as Allah Ta’ala does as He pleases and knows Better than us what is good or bad for us.

That you have married at a young age is indeed a good thing. It enables you to deal Better with health problems, marriage, child birth and trails than if you would have marries in your late 20′s or 30′s.

Believe me. I know what I talk about.

Nabi Kareem , sallalaahu alayhi wa sallam, ordered us to get our sons and daughters married soon when they are of age( baaliq) and a suitable match has been found.
But parents have to do the duty do marry the children to pious persons.

The husband has to be religious and process Ilm of the Deen and should follow a sheikh as he has to guide his wife and children to the right pass to enter jannat and has to set an example how to deal with hardships , as in your case.

Otherwise he will lead his entire family , including himself, to everlasting doom in jahannam.

Sister. I can not imagine what your life is like.

And i can truly imagine how exhausted your are and that you want somebody holding you and caring for you.

But let me tell you.

Only Allah Ta’ala is You friend and feels your pains, worries and hears your cries.

Do not see your amount of children and your 3 paralyzed children and your husband’s desire to marry another women as a burden or perhaps as punishment.

Indeed its a great blessing for your and may guarantee safe entry into jannat.

You take care over your 6 children, of whom 3 are like new born babies, a full time care yourself without help.

Sister, this indeed is a big test on your imaan and also a special Rahmat from ALLAH Ta’ala on you as you cant imagine how many sins and faults of yours are forgiven this way and how much Allah Ta’ala prevents you from indulging in other sins and time wasting in which you would have indulged in if all children were fully healthy and you faced no problems.

Every time you have to wash, feed, clothe, diaper your 3 paralyzed children, the special Mercy and divine Help will be send down on you .
Insha allah, if you are in need of assistance and help in advanced age or times of sickness, than your 3 healthy children will do help and serve you with pleasure as you have set a wonderful example of serving and care taking.

Your children are supplication daily for you and so do the angles which witness your trials, provided you don’t complain.

Imagine all your children would have been handicapped and your husband or you as well. How would you react then?

But we have to ask ourselves:

  1. Do i have to suffer like Nabi kareem sallalaahu alythi wa sallam and the sahaba?
    2.Do i have a tyrannic husband who kills me because I am Muslim and he claims he is Allah Ta’ala?
    3.Am i afflicted with diseases and rejection due to my disease like Ayyob alayhi salaam?
    4.Am I poor and have to work hard until i get marks on my shoulder like Fatimah, radialaahu anha?
  2. Or do I have to raise my children without a husband and any support of a community or family like Maryam alayhi salaam?…..

You should try to talk to your husband and plead for some help perhaps through a nurse, maid or family member to help you with your household cores and specially the 3 disabled children?!

Also try to pray your namaaz on time, do your tasbee fatimi after each namaaz and before your go to sleep as this is an adviced remedy and help for mastering your care taking and household cores and health.

Try to read as much as quraan as you can. I know is quiet a challenge but Nothing is impossible.

Try to read the manzil after fajr and before going to bed and blow it into your water and on your sick children . Do only drink this water and cook only with this water.
Its has been proven to cure even paralyzed children and change d behavior to good .
And too , make dua for your husband and yourself to be able to deal with whatever Allah Ta’al has decreed for you and talk to him in humility about your problems .

After all he is the ruler of the house and in status above you.

He surely suffers too from the situation in the home and cant see his children being in this condition either.
When I look into question it does not appear that he is divorcing you and leaves you and the children all alone or that he violating any point of your rights or the he his mistreating you.

Sister, their could be a bigger problem then having a Co-wife.

You could be divorced and all by your by yourself, he could beat the hell out of you, you could be widow in a Syrian refuge camp….

There are many Muslim women who need a husband and men have desires too which need to be fulfilled in a lawful way.

How can he do this if he cant marry? You want him indulging in zina?

Whenever a man takes another wife it DOES NOT MEAN THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THE FIRST WIFE OR THE HE DOES NOT LOVE HER ANYMORE.

The nature of man is different than of women. A man rarely comes out his shell and shows his emotions and talk about his feelings.

But understand well that sharia grants superior right to the husband and as long your right of a separate living space( i. e a room with a key), food , 2 sets of clothing during 1 year( 1 in the summer and 1 in the winter) the mehr at the time of marriage are not violated than you have no reason to complain.

A man can marry 1, 2, 3 or 4 women all at once or in steps for any reason and does Not need the permission of the wife !
Even if he can’t maintain them .The marriage is valid
The risq is in Allah’s Ta’ala hands

Allah Ta’ala will test Muslims with health, wealth and children.

And women in spacial are tested with jealousy as this is their jihaad to fight against jealousy if the husband takes a 2., 3. or 4. wife.

Women are by nature jealous and can’t tolerate to share their husband with any other woman be it mother in law or another wife or sister in law, or girls friend..

Men are tested with jihaad.

But we all have to carry our burdens ourselves and Allah Ta’ala doe Not do zulm on us by giving us trials. And He does Not put on our backs a burden which we cant carry. After all He created you, us, and know what we we can endure.

The problems you are facing are also means to draw nearer to Allah Ta’ala and find the correct way to pleasing and obey Him.

By your husband marrying another woman he will Not start a new family he will just extend his family.
It is not a break up neither a divorce or as sign he DOES NOT love you anymore or does not care for you and his children.

Man can love many women at one time , but a women can be committed to only One man as it the way Allah Ta’al created us.

And it is the sunnat of the ambiyah to have more than one wife and to marry.

Even Isa, alyhi salaam will have more than 1 wife when he will be sent back to earth .

Most of the sahaaba were polygamous.

THE FINAL ADVICE I CAN GIVE IS THAT YOU STRAIGHTEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH ALLAH TA”ALA.

Wa salaam umme ahmad

 

Thank you um me ahmed my son name is ahmed aalso you touched my heart I’m very thankful for your advice I just wish there’s a lot of people out there that think your way as my relationship with allah I feel I’m close to him I pray all my prayers n tasbeeh it has got me closer to allah n about polygamy I’m not against it I just fear he might marry a wicked female that will destroy our lives if I were able to find a female like me god fearing I would have no problem butt you know what this is all in Allah’s hand n wat ever he brings down I will bear it by Allah’s will inshaallah thank you I love you I wish there were a lot of u positive

Assalaamu alykum respected sister.

Its good to read that you tried to digest the reply and nassehat given to you.

But honestly your reply shows that you have not understood it properly and shows hypocrisy.

  1. Allah Ta’al states in the Qur’aan majeed : Don’t consider yourself pious!

This is the very attribute of iblees which made him think and feel to be superior to any other creation and thus he refused to bow down to our father Adam , alayhis salaam, and so disobeys his own Creator.

A pious person Never ever bouts about his ability to do ibaadat but pays much gratitude to Allah Ta’ala by engaging in much more ibaadat any kind, abundant Taubah and adoption of humbleness and self reformation.

For Allah Ta’ala is the Owner of the hearts and can turn it every second in the other direction and thus doom you to suffer everlasting punishment.

Allah Ta’ala hates pride and will fling the person into Jahannam which carries pride in his heart , even if it is just the size of a mustard seed!

The attribute of Pride and self esteem exclusively belong to Allah Ta’ala alone as He Ta’ala is the Creator of all and
He grants the ability to do good or bad to whomever He pleases. For Allah Ta’ala states : Pride is My cloak

You ability to engage in thikr and Ibaadat are no efforts of your own but wonderful gift bestowed upon you by Allah Ta’ala and do not deserve to be state in t public by your self.

In matter fact you should not even feel or think that way that you are pious. Your Naafs are speaking and you ego is leading you astray by listening to the waswisa of iblees.

This treasure is taken for granted quickly and can be snatched away with a blink of an eye!

  1. You wrote that the the decision in in the hands of Allah Ta’ala and you will bare the consequences if your takes another wife .
    If this is the case why did write me in the first place?
  2. You worry that your husband will marry a ” wicked female”.

But what will you do if he will marry a more pious and humble woman than yourself , which causes him to love her more than you due to her outstanding piety, shame, humbleness and obedience toward him? What will you do than?

  1. Regarding your feeling that you feel close to Allah Ta’ala, it should be mentioned that you should NEVER be satisfied with the station you find yourself in.

You should always try to get closer to Allah Ta’ala and also remember when you will closer to Allah Ta’ala thee more trial and hardships and pains will be end upon you.

In short , do not look at the wish of your husband to remarry as fault of him, or you, but see it as another test of Allah Ta’ala.

And admit that your natural jealousy and inability to deal with Allah’s Ta’ala decree on you, makes you write such an emotional question.

The answer if yoyr husband could marry under your circumstances and if the nikah is valid could have easily be found in a book about marriage, like behisti zewar.

Just look at your questions than reflect on your reply after the given naasehat.

Mankind is created weak and is never satisfied and thankful.

Your reply is not in accordance to your question and worries posted,

Now the reason and worries that your husband takes a second wife are altogether different ones.

So why did you bring up in your questions the issuses in regards of your young age at the time of your marriage, that you have 6 children, of whom 3 are paralyzed and that you are tired, emotionally wrecked down and that you fear that your husband will leave you all alone with your 6 children and and leave you emotionally and physically destroyed and a start another family, if you have so much tawakkul and sabr to are able to bear with whatever Allah Ta’ala has decreed for you.

If you feel and believe that you are so ” pious than you should Not worry that your husband will take wrecked wife , as he married you. And you are “pious” Right?

So why should he marry a ill mannered and not pious wife to destroy your life ?

Sister, your thoughts are confused and make no sense but show only that you are jealous and can’t deal with the sharia given right to your husband to marry a second wife for whatever reason he wants to. Which is the natural weakness of women created by Allah Ta’ala

And what makes you think that the second wife will destroy your family and life but not you yourself?

Perhaps this new addition will be able to help you emotionally and physically to help and deal with your 3 disabled children.

Don’t have already evils thoughts and hate about a person whom do you not know and is not even existent in your husbands or your life. Yet

What makes you think that selfish and evil?

sister , you are betraying yourself .

We Muslim women have to work much on our pride, never ending nagging, and the dominant attitude and untruthfulness and utterly ungratefulness.

Often we forget that the man is the ruler over us , not the other way around.

Hadith states something like this : ” If Allah Ta’ala would have order anybody to bow down before mankind, than I would have made the wife prostrate before her husband…” This is the high rank given to him by Allah Ta’ala.

Another Hadith states similar to this: “By Allah. I have never seen anybody more ungrateful and deficient of intelligence than you women…You never pay gratitude toward your husband..”

Another one states similar like this: “I saw majority of Jahnaam filled with women…One Sahaabiahasked: Why , oh messenger of Allah?..”..Nabe Kareem, sallaalaahu alayhi was sallam replied:” Because you curse and are ungrateful tio your husbands….”

We can change our husbands and attract their devotion, love and ever helping hands and care toward us Only if we adopt humbleness, piety, self reformation and accept the fact that he can marry whomever and whenever he wants 1, 2, 3 or 4 wives and the we have to serve him and take care over our children in the best possible way by serving him and showing our thanks and devotion to him. Even if he can’t afford another wife.

And if he can’t manage just 1 wife than he should not marry even one wife.

That he does not do justice argument if he marries another wife is absolute bunkum and always brought up if he intents to remarry.

A simple , Jazakallh dear.. , Thank you honey… I live you.. I will miss you.. turn the hardest heart of a man into s a soft and in your hand melting candy.

I would advise you to read books like ” the pious Wife’ behitsi zewar… admonitions for the neglectful and especially this book Women are Different.
It will help you to understand YOUR NATURE, WEAKNESS AND WHAT ROLES ALLAH AA’ALA HAS ORDAINED FOR MAN AND WOMAN AND HOW TO BE A SUCCESSFUL MUSLIMAH, WIFE AND MOTHER, FRIEND AND CO- WIFE and most importand how to be A SLAVE OF ALLAH TA”ALA…. lokk under my book section.

I WILL INSHA ALLAH UPLOAD MORE BOOKS.

May Allah Ta’ala remove grief, pride and worries and sickens from you and family and grant you aafiyah , and us all.

Wa salaam Umme Ahmad

Salam yes its jealousy of coarse who would not be n u got to be hhonest u know these days how people look at polygamy even in islamic country’s as abandonment n the reason he married cause he’s no longer interested it’s hard to swallow this is not the days of muhamed pbuh men of these days r sexist n week in faith and it’s not about pious with him it’s about younger n cuter that’s the reason I said if I can have a god fearing Co so she doesn’t try to make me jealous she would mind the way I ffeel even help me n wen I told you I feel close to allah I mean because of the hardship n weakness in my body I heard a lot of mufti say that allah is closest to the sad people N week I don’t think I’m pious wen I say god fearing I mean I think of allah most of the time before I do an action is it against me or not n try to deal I never said I’m perfect I’m just trying n for me agreeing about polygamy I’m not against it but for myself I feel the jealousy I know I’m gonna have to N am I incorrect by saying I will try to bear it by the will of allah what am I suppose to say I beleive strength is from allah not ourselves and why am I sounding like a hypocrite can u please point out this made me nervous?

 

assalaamu alyklumrespected sister.

Its sad to read that you contradict in your replies all over again.

Before you ask any further questions and reply I advice you to READ your 1. question and the 2 follow up replies and my replies given and than think.

Your reasoning for your question is now a different one altogether, again.

You did Not seem to have understood much of the my replies and point out things which i did not mention.

And as I said a man does NOT need any reason to take another wife. Shariah Does apply at all times, Not Only in the past times Islam.

Your feminist reasoning is absolute wrong and has no scope in Islam to criticize your husbands intention to remarry.
Do as you posted in your 2. reply to be satisfied with your Allah’s Ta’ala decree.
So it should not be hard to swallow the fact that your husband want to marry another woman as stated in your 3. reply

Men of all ages in most times have a huge sexual urge and need to eb satisfies , otherwise it will lead to much haraam and destruction.
And the the only permissible means, if you can not satisfy your husbands natural desires for sex and nearness which has declined perhaps much in you what is all natural due to aging and responsibilities, is to remarry.

So let me clarify your replies and point them down step by step .

If your still have problems understanding , then Please write the somebody else as i am not able to make you understand.

Your 1.question

Alsalam I married my husband at young age n I have 6 kids 3 are fine n the last 3 are paralyzed neuro disease n he wants to remarry I can’t fathom the pain that I am feeling I feel dead sick tired I care for 3 paralyzed children in this case is it okay for him to remarry n start a new family n I’m toiling in distress with very sick children does allah permit for a man to marry if yes how do I swallow it how in the world can I bear this is it in my situation permissible for him to go off n live his life n leave me to suffer emotionally n physically?
”””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””
This is the first question you wrote. Your reasoning is a different one than in your second and third reply.

So to correct your way of thinking and questioning I show you that your 1.question clearly contradicts your second reply and 3 reply and the the reason why you wrote me and it shows the hypocrisy in your heart .

You state he will leave you and children alone,let you suffer emotionally and physically, that you are tired, sick…

Now what did he state or do that you stated such things> And did your realize that retraced in the 2. and 3. reply?

Now you are sating that you are ‘of course’ jealous and have to be honest( you did not write this in either of the first 2 replies) … YOUR 3. REPLY :Salam yes its jealousy of coarse who would not be n u got to be honest u know these days how people look at polygamy even in islamic country’s as abandonment n the reason he married cause he’s no longer interested it’s hard to swallow……

I have explained TWICE already that it is a natural attribute of women to be jealous and ungrateful to explain your TRUE reasoning for asking this question in first place in connection with the post your replied on, how to deal with your emotions and the Decree of Allah Ta’ala of your husband wanting to take a second wife, which is his right at any time for any reason .

Understand and accept that now! YOUR 1. QUESTION WHICH HIGHLIGHT YOUR JEALOUSY AND AND TRYING TO GIVE A BAD IMAGE OF YOUR HUSBAND ….Alsalam I married my husband at young age n I have 6 kids 3 are fine n the last 3 are paralyzed neuro disease n he wants to remarry I can’t fathom the pain that I am feeling I feel dead sick tired I care for 3 paralyzed children in this case is it okay for him to remarry n start a new family n I’m toiling in distress with very sick children does allah permit for a man to marry if yes how do I swallow it how in the world can I bear this is it in my situation permissible for him to go off n live his life n leave me to suffer emotionally n physically?
”””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””’

Now you stated in your 2. reply that you fear that he marries an evil woman which destroy Your life and family. But your husband is still the same person with 1 wife or 2 wives.

A GIRL FRIEND can break up a marriage BUT normally NOT a 2. wife.

You have to understand that marriage is a union with many responsibilities and laws to follow not a break up.

And what makes you think he is looking for an immoral and evil woman to marry to begin with?

Than he would just have a girl friend and did not care about you and the children in the least and would have given you talaaq a long time ago.

Is he fulfilling his sharia obligations towards you and children? If yes than you have no valid reason to think and feel the way you do.

And stop finding fault is your husband and others, i.e. a future wife, and concentrate on your own fault in weakness.

Its haraam and a sin to entertain evil thoughts a about another Muslim, especially if it is your husband who is the door to
Jannat or a future co wife!

You stated that you are God fearing, which is the the meaning of PIOUS!

And now you state in your 3. reply you are not pious but God fearing. Do you know what you are writing?

If you do think you are Not pious but God fearing as you think about Allah Ta’ala all time, as sated in your 3. reply(… I don’t think I’m pious wen I say god fearing I mean I think of allah most of the time before I do an action is it against me or not n try to deal…), than your are not God fearing either.

God fearing is being pious.

And if you are God fearing, aka pious , and accept the takdeer of Allah Ta’ala than you would not ask such question to strange people on the net complaining about your husband wanting to take a 2. wife while you have distress and sickness in your and children life.

And if you really are close to Allah Ta’ala than you feel no stress in your heart and mind in regards to your children, your stress and emotions and Your husbands wish to remarry for whatever reason.

Your 2. Question
Thank you um me ahmed my son name is ahmed aalso you touched my heart I’m very thankful for your advice I just wish there’s a lot of people out there that think your way as my relationship with allah I feel I’m close to him I pray all my prayers n tasbeeh it has got me closer to allah n about polygamy I’m not against it I just fear he might marry a wicked female that will destroy our lives if I were able to find a female like me god fearing I would have no problem butt you know what this is all in Allah’s hand n wat ever he brings down I will bear it by Allah’s will inshaallah thank you I love you I wish there were a lot of u positive

”””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””
Your 3. question/reply

Salam yes its jealousy of coarse who would not be n u got to be hhonest u know these days how people look at polygamy even in islamic country’s as abandonment n the reason he married cause he’s no longer interested it’s hard to swallow this is not the days of muhamed pbuh men of these days r sexist n week in faith and it’s not about pious with him it’s about younger n cuter that’s the reason I said if I can have a god fearing Co so she doesn’t try to make me jealous she would mind the way I ffeel even help me n wen I told you I feel close to allah I mean because of the hardship n weakness in my body I heard a lot of mufti say that allah is closest to the sad people N week I don’t think I’m pious wen I say god fearing I mean I think of allah most of the time before I do an action is it against me or not n try to deal I never said I’m perfect I’m just trying n for me agreeing about polygamy I’m not against it but for myself I feel the jealousy I know I’m gonna have to N am I incorrect by saying I will try to bear it by the will of allah what am I suppose to say I beleive strength is from allah not ourselves and why am I sounding like a hypocrite can u please point out this made me nervous?
”””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””’
In your 3. reply your reason for writing and asking the 1. question ‘is a now altogether a different one.

Now you clearly state the affairs of your heart and mind.

You are dead jealous and Can Not deal with the fact the your husband could love another woman.

That is a attitude which will lead you to hell as YOU will make 2 additional lives miserable by by thinking and feeling that way and calling all men of this time sexist and that they only want t remarry to have sex, to put it simply.

Now you state in your 3. reply that he wants a women who is cute and younger than you.

Is this perhaps the reason why he married YOU, because your were were young and cute?

Or did he marry your because You are so GOD fearing( pious)?

If he married because of the appearance and age at the first time than You should NOT be surprised that he does it now!

Now that you you are older why are you so evil feeling about a younger and “cuter” looking woman? She will get old, worn out and sick also and beauty disappears

and she will have to stand in front of Allah Ta’ala and have to answer His questions.

Hadith states : ” a women is married for 4 reasons. 1.her beauty, 2. her wealth, 3. her family name/status and 4 HER PIETY/GOD FEARFULNESS.

WE ARE ADVISED TO MARRY THE PIOUS/GOD FEARING WOMEN. BUT UNDERSTAND IT IS NOT FORBIDDEN TO MARRY FOR ANY OF THE OTHER 3 REASONS AND THE MARRIAGE IS VALID!

Sister, Beauty, Cuteness, Money, health and status will leave at any time but the piety of a women will stay.

And now you state now in your 3. reply he is not longer interested in you. You did not mention anything when I asked.

Sister. Every married Muslim woman at any time or age will feel and think that her husband is not interested anymore on her and will leave her and have another woman.

The solution is , stop thinking and feeling that way and reform yourself and correct the relationship with Allah Ta’ala than all your other affairs will be corrected and beautified and you will win back his heart.

There is absolute NO SENSE in arguing and getting up sad about the fact that your husband want to marry again, even if she may be younger and cuter as you state.

You have no control over and cant stop it and will at the end cause much additional problems and perhaps a divorce and end up alone with some of the kids. who will marry you then and take care over you?!!

Harsh and complaining attitudes will Not make you husband love you more but will chase him far away from You.

The type of country has absolute no meaning in Islams view on polygamy.

Your own view on polygamy is incorrect.

Jealousy is haraam in Islam.

Aside from having jealousy for somebody being an Aalim and teaching Islam, or a wealthy person who gives a lot of his/her wealth to sadaqa it is NOT allowed to be jealous at anybody and anything.

This you have to understand.

Jealousy is hasaad and if you are jealous than you complain about a bounty that Allah Ta’la has given to somebody else ales and want this taken away.

That is not permitted in Islam.

And i pious/God fearing women as you you state you are is Not jealous and doe Not entertain such evil feeling and thoughts.

You have to understand that you being jealous is wrong and a sin and you can Not expect another woman being not jealous to help you to curb your evil feelings.

And you still will be jealous if this future wife is More God fearing than you, cuter, younger and serves her husband more or loves your children dearly etc.. than you will get naturally more jealous.!!

But if he married you for your God fearing characteristics than why should he change the reason to marry and marry now a “cute , young and evil women” which destroys a family?

That makes no sense !

To answer your comment that in this time men only marry because they are sexist is absolute nonsense.

Many men do marry divorces, older women, divorced women with children, poor women..

But you do not look i this direction!

And even i they do , its validated by shariah.

Sahaaba too married more than one woman.

They had much sexual desire too.

There was a sahaaba who even prohibited his wife from naafl fast as he had huge sexula needs and could not bear his wife to fast outside ramadaan!

And sister, be realistic gher now. As qyanmat comes closer the immorality and fitnah increases.

What do you expect of Muslim men today of majority do Not pray, keep beard and DO NOT observe shariah Hijaab and the Muslim females do Not do hijaab and dress like prostitutes and are on workplaces, malls on street in the face of every man!

So you expect the immoral men of today to be like a mink when the Muslim women and girls walk around like prostitutes to lure every man into fitnah!?

An majority of women as well do have weak imaan. Not only the men have weak imaan, as you state in your 3. question.

And your Co wife is Not obliged to help you in any of your households affairs or raising children . That’s You job .

And if you can not manage it that you husband has to help[ you in every possible way. Otherwise you have to have SABR.

If she offers you to help than it is a gift from her side but can not be expected from he on your request, as stated in your 3. reply.

You state that you are not perfect in your 3. reply.

Well, i never cited that either neither wrote that you are not perfect. I wrote that mankind is weak and specially WE women have much deficits and are main fuel for hell fire. so please quote anything from my replies to you if I did write anything like that.

To answer your comment …(am I incorrect by saying I will try to bear it by the will of allah what am I suppose to say I beleive strength is from allah not ourselves…) of you 3. reply… I replied that already with the Ayyat of the quraan Majee… “What! do you say you believe and will not be tested…”
Everything is from Allah Ta’ala.

The good qualities a human are a bounty from allah Ta’ala and the evil and mistakes are from us.

We have been created with evil naafs who tries to lead us astray and make us feel and think the way you do.

Why do you sound like a hypocrite ? I never stated you sound like a hypocrite . Please quote that. I pointed out your nifaaq of your mind and heart in all my roeplies.
I f you still could not understand what i mean and explained so detailed, than I can most help you either and you may consult somebody else than and perhaps the ulema we follow on this blog.

It would be better to consult your local ulema or family members of both side if you have problems in your marriage,.

Oh please. Could you use a spell check when writing . It is very difficult to understand that bad English of yours and to get the points out your questions.

My eye sight is not that well either and i have only little time to write and i need much time to site and reply to such questions due to my health problems.

That will help a lot in answering and reading your replies.

Please read the book i recommended as those will answer all your questions!

If You struggle with English than it is better to write to anybody in your mother language and it would be better to to give some statements of your husband.

Perhaps my husband can get i n touch with your husband to help you as you seem to be so desperate and feel so mistreated.

It is not good and cant be a fair judgement to reply to ypour questions on the information given by Only you. Your husband should write his view of thins as well. There are always 2 sides.

Jazakallah. Umme Ahmad

Note. My husband who is an Aalim assisted me in replying such questions and provided much help in replying to you or anybody. this blog is run under his supervision.

 

 

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