Says Rasullullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam: “The best amongst you are those who are kindest to their wives.”
It is worth pondering the immense goodness which our wives possess. Long before the dawn of Ramadhaan, they are worried and concerned about preparations for Ramadhaan.
Comes Ramadhaan, they, out of love for their husbands and children, prepare various dishes and delicacies. Tired, thirsty and hungry as they may be, day after day we will find them frying, cooking, baking, and preparing the choicest of meals. Yet, when they happen to annoy the husband, he rages like a crazy lion and vents his anger like a Jinn on drugs. He forgets all the favours and enjoys increasing her misery!
Says Allah Ta’aala: “And if you are dissatisfied with them, then it is possible that you are dissatisfied with something whereas Allah has placed immense (worldly or Deeni) benefit therein.”
The Cry of a Wife!
O, my husband, I married you in the name of Allah, Most High. I departed from the home of my parents who reared me with utmost affection and care. In trust they handed me over to you. Henceforth you would be my provider, my comforter, my security and my protector. Until I got married, it was under the feet of my mother where Jannat lay. In the palms of my father’s Duaas, was the Labayk of Allah, Most High. After marriage, it was you that Allah Ta’aala chose to be the door to Jannah. Thus, I was determined to be the most perfect wife any man could hope to have.
O, my husband, even as I celebrate my good fortune, deep down in my heart I harbour a secret fear which couples share, so I heard. I trust in Allah that you do not misunderstand me in what I am about to confide in you. And no, my fears are not a product of my imagination. It is what I know of other couples whose marriages were ripped apart by dishonesty, insensitivity and cruelty. Some of those starry beady eyed new brides were about to undertake a journey into a worldly Jahannum. But, Insha-Allah, being careful of a few things I hope that our marriage will not head the same way as some of my friends.
1) Adultery: The new bride had hardly settled down, and the husband started his Zina campaign. O yes, he tried hard to cover his tracks. Working till late at night. Important business trip. Strange behaviour such as hiding his cell-phone. Eventually, like many others, he tripped over his own lies. First it was “Qassam it is nothing, You are imagining things.” The poor bride really thought that she was sort of bonkers, until she managed to lay her hands on the cell phone and all the Zina messages came tumbling out. Of course yes, he was as mad as hell: one moment threatening violence, and then suddenly pleading for just one more chance. Simple as she was, she accepted him and cried with him. Perhaps it was her fault after all. Perhaps she was not trying hard enough to please him. But she understood that old habits die hard, especially when one has no Fear that Allah is Watching, of angels recording clandestine meetings, and of accountability on the Day of Qiyamah. And thus she spends much of her time in terror at the thought of her husband philandering around. Thankfully, for every moment of such terror Allah Ta’aala will impose upon him the terrors of Jahannum in the Aakhirah where a day of condemnation to Jahannum will equal fifty thousand years of this world.
2) In-Laws: This is the second issue, the fear of which grips my heart. Like many of my sisters, I, indeed acknowledge all the favours which parents favoured their sons with. Be rest assured, we have no intention of stealing you away from your parents. In fact, we enter into our new homes with hearts full of warmth and kindness for those who raised our husbands and chose or approved of us being their wives. Observe how we readily and happily address them as “Mummy” and “Daddy”. We crave their approval and cherish their praises. We offer our services and are willing to sacrifice in order to please them. We cook, bake, sow and entertain with relish.
Sadly, after a little while, our favours are considered to be life-long contracts. The maid can take a day off, but, we are expected to be at the beck and call of “Mummy”. To rub salt into the wounds, “Mummy’s” married daughters will barge into the house, empty the Tupperwares of freshly baked biscuits, raid the fridge, fill some curry for the children who will be hungry when they return from school. In fact, “mummy” encourages them to go for a “nice holiday” and to “just leave the children by her.” Such magnanimity! Such love! Such a wonderful mother!
The only problem is that “Mummy” was expecting us to do the looking after; Thus, we have to feed, brush the teeth, dress the children, be stressed out with their fights – whilst their parents are relaxing on some beach.
Sometimes, the intrusion in our married lives border insanity. We carry our unborn offspring with great difficulty for nine months in our bellies, we are the ones who gamble with death and give birth with great difficulty; yet “Mummy” insists she wants to name the baby and choose how we should raise our children!
Dare we complain and we are belittled and abused.
Of course, my husband, I will need your support at such a time. I trust that you are unlike those men who reserve their kindness for friends and keep their roars for their oppressed wives. The above are just two of many issues which are causing bitterness and heartbreak resulting in a shattered marriage. Whilst I conclude with a Du’aa in my heart that ours will be a marriage free from the above perils, I hope that you will never ever betray my trust.