3rd December 2012
To the Muslim wife…
Asslamo Allaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh,
The spiritual core of the Muslim ummah is rotting and the decay is manifesting itself in many different ways none more evident than the breakdown of relationships between Muslim families. Violation of spousal rights and even downright physical and emotional abuse is on the rise and may Allah (SWT) protect all of us and our families (Ameen).
Muslim husbands of course have responsibilities but our daughters also need to be spoken to as the degradation of relationships isn’t only down to Men!
Superiority of Men: My daughter, Allah (SWT) has given your husband superiority to you in clear, unambiguous words and if you try to take even equal footing (let alone superiority) know that you are arguing and fighting against a command of Allah (SWT) and not your husband and as long as you are fully and rationally willing to accept the consequences of taking what comes your way when you oppose Allah (SWT), there isn’t anything anyone else can do.
[4:34] Men are caretakers of women, since Allah has made some of them excel the others, and because of the wealth they have spent. So, the righteous women are obedient, (and) guard (the property and honor of their husbands) in (their) absence with the protection given by Allah. As for women of whom you fear rebellion, convince them, and leave them apart in beds, and beat them. Then, if they obey you, do not seek a way against them. Surely, Allah is the Highest, the Greatest.
Know that there is no classical Scholar of Qur’aan, Hadeeth or Fiqh who has EVER given a Fatwa or an opinion that women are equal to men! So next time when you are browsing the Internet and come across an article or youtube video proclaiming anything otherwise then know that it is BASELESS!
Serving the Husband: My daughter, your foremost duty is to serve your husband and look after the needs of your household after fulfilling the obligations (prayer, fasting etc) of Islam in absolute service to your husband. Your duty is not Dawah, not blogging, not maintaining web sites, counselling other Muslim women and if your husband allows this or your service to him isn’t affected by doing Islamic propagation then so be it.
But be under no illusion that your primary duty is to serve your husband.
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, “If I were to order anyone to prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered a woman to prostrate herself before her husband”. [At-Tirmidhi]
Responding to the husband sexually: My daughter, it is your Islamic duty to respond to your husband when he calls you to bed. If you have a baby or children then ensure that your husband has a chance of privacy with you and don’t wreck your relationship on account of your children and looking after them and putting them in the bed besides you etc.
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, “When a man calls his wife to his bed, and she does not respond and he (the husband) spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
Husband: Your Gateway to paradise: Your husband is your gateway to paradise and not your optional worship and Islamic activities and knowledge. If your husband is pleased then Insha’Allah you have a ticket to paradise so in fact you have it pretty easy if you chose to conform with the commands of Allah (SWT) & His Rasool (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam)
Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) reported: Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) said, “Any woman dies while her husband is pleased with her, she will enter Jannah”. [At-Tirmidhi].
Violence & Abuse: No one is suggesting that you need to put up with physical violence or abuse and in those circumstances refer the matter to Ulamah who can advise you on the matter and offer correct Islamic guidance.
Unfulfilled & incomplete Relationships : Again you need to refer the matter to Ulama who can advise you on the matter and offer correct Islamic guidance and if you are patient then you will be rewarded and if you continue to look after your family and your husband when your rights are not being granted then know that Allah (SWT) is with those who are patient and Insha’Allah your rewards will become apparent the minute your eyes are closed. Be pleased with your Taqdeer (destiny) and know that this world is a place of test and Allah (SWT) is testing you to raise your ranks on the day of judgement.
Did you think your life will turn out to be a Bollywood Love Story? My daughter, you are a believer and you have been put on this Earth to be tested. If you thought that a handsome young man with ample finances will wish you away and shed his blood on every post your tear falls then wake up to reality! Allah (SWT) is Haakim and he chooses for his servants what he wills. Maybe some of your friends have a loving husband, healthy children, big house and you may be missing some of things because Allah (SWT) wants to test you.
[29:2] Do people think that they will be left (at ease) only on their saying, .We believe. and will not be put to any test? [29:3] Indeed We have tested those who were before them. So Allah will surely know the ones who are truthful, and He will surely know the liars.
There were better, prettier and more intelligent women before you who were tested and know that you are being testing because Allah (SWT) loves you and desires good for you!
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “When Allah desires good for someone, He tries him with hardships.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî]
My daughter, the best of the prophets were tested and even our beloved Nabi (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) was tested so know that they weren’t tested because they were hated but they were tested because they were beloved and the closer a person gets to Allah (SWT) and to our beloved Nabi (Sallaho Alaihe Wassallam) by following his Sunnah the more you will be tested.
YOU are superior to the Hoors of paradise! It’s the favourite pastime of men to discuss and talk about the Hoors of Jannah and bedazzled by their beauty and their sincere and devoted love for them but did you know that YOU are superior to those Hoors which men aspire to?
Umm Salamah (May Allah Be Pleased With Her) narrated that she asked the Messenger of Allah, ‘ O Allah’s Apostle, are the women of this world superior to the hoor of jannah?’ He replied, (Salahuaalyhi wasalam) ‘ The women of this world will have superiority over the hoors just as the outer lining of a garment has superiority over the inner lining. Umm Salamah then asked, ‘ O Allah’s Apostle, what is the reason for this?’ He answered, ‘ Because they performed salah, fasted and worshipped [Allah]. Allah will put light on their faces and silk on their bodies. [The human women] will be fair in complexion and will wear green clothing and yellow jewellery. Their incense – burners will be made of pearls and their combs will be of gold. They will never die. We are the women who will always remain in comfort and we will never leave. Listen, we are happy women and we will never become sad. Glad tidings to those men for whom we are and who are for us. (Tabarani)
YOU will PROUDLY PROCLAIM your superiority to Hoors of paradise! Insha’Allah if you are patient with your Taqdeer and look after your husband and your family YOU will one day respond to the Hoors and proclaim your SUPERIORITY to them.
Imam Qurtubi in his “at-Tadhkirah fi-Ahwalil Mawta wa’l-Akhirah (in Remembrance of the Affairs of the Dead and Doomsday)” and Ibn Kathir in his “al-Bidaya wa’n-Nihaya (Kitabu’l- Fitan wa’l-Malahim) the Termination of the Afflictions and Fierce Battles” tell the story of the songs of houri in heaven: “Houri will sing for their own husbands, songs are so marvelous that every hearer will be so pleased. Houri will say: “We are Houri who has not had a sin.
” The women of this world will reply them saying: “We are the fasters (who keep fast), and you are not, we are the prayers, but you are not and we are the givers of charity but you are not.” And there is another narration which is famous with the name “Hadith of Soor” narrated from Abu Hurayrah (R.A.) that the Prophet Muhammad said that: “Every man in heaven will go to 72 of the creatures of Allah (houris) and 2 of the women of mankind, these two women are superior to the creatures of Allah (houris) with their worshipping (good deeds) they had performed in this world.”
Decision Time? Now that you have read about your rank in paradise, its time to make a decision. You can serve your husband and overlook his mistakes and errors in providing you with your rights and accept his authority , be pleased with what Allah (SWT) has destined for you and then attain a rank in paradise superior to Hoors
You can assert your superiority, demand equal treatment, step out in the world to earn your place, busy yourself in Dawah etc and jeopardise your afterlife.
The choice is yours.
BROTHER /MUADH kHAN